Monday, November 21, 2005

Just Like the Department Stores, I'm Already Thinking About Christmas

Thanks to Ephemera Now I've gotten into the holiday spirit with these vintage Christmas ads.

You just don't see Santa peddling cancer sticks anymore. Makes me think...if Santa smokes, can you imagine the smell his beard has? Already there's crumbled up cookies and stale milk stuck in there. Add the smell of smoke and it makes me wonder how anyone would want to sit on his lap.

Ooh, sorry Santa. I'm sure you bathe. I mean, there's no reason to think that you don't smell like cinnamon or peppermint.
Please don't be mad. I'll be good. Promise.

Is this an ad for a home? Because it looks like it'd be cold in there - er, out there. Is this an ad for neighborhood watch? Because then it's pretty effective.

So Santa delivers gifts even to those children who live on the bottom step to the gates of hell? Sweet, there's hope for me after all.

Don't bet on it.

Oh man, I hope those are Santa's footsteps.

Welcome to my Christmas Nightmare.
I've been looking at this ad for a couple hours, and I still can't figure it out. Was this her son or her husband turned into a snowman? Are those the snowman's clothes beside the freezer? If he wanted to be naked, why'd he leave his hat on? Is this an ad for a snowman's tanning bed? Why doesn't the woman look more frightened? What the eff is that damn snowman smiling at??! And why can't I look away even though it's frightening me the more I look?!?!?!?!

...With that I leave you with a "Merry Christmas!!"

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