Bartending 101: Your Guide to Garnishes

Finishing your drink with the right garnish can make or break your cocktail.  (And no one wants a broken cocktail!  I mean, I'd still drink it, but I wouldn't enjoy it as much.)  As a bartender, I've met plenty of finicky people whose order is so detailed, especially specifying the garnish.  They not only are the visual finishing touch to a cocktail, but the taste of the garnish effects the drink.  So if you're stocking your bar, you want to make sure you have these accouterments ready to make the best cocktail service for your visitors!

Lemon slice
These are probably the most popular, usually added to gin and tonics, but can be requested for various other drinks.  You want to cut off both ends.  Then slice the lemon in half.  Lay each half down and cut in to half-moon slices.  Lay each half-moon slice down and cut in to the flesh at the middle, only halfway, so that the slice will stay in place on the glass's rim.

Lemon twists
This is primarily the rind used for its essential oil.  To make lemon twists, cut off both ends of the lemon. Insert a sharp knife or spoon between the rind and meat of the lemon and carefully separate them. Cut the rind into strips. The outside of the lemon is where the flavor lies. When adding a lemon twist to a drink, slowly rim the edge of the glass with the outside of the lemon twist and then drop the twist into the cocktail.

Bartending 101: Exam Results!

So did I pass the test?  I needed to get a 90% or more.  I know you've all been waiting with anticipation, so here's the conclusion...

Well, I finish taking the Bartending written exam and take the papers to Betty, who seems pretty proud of herself.  I mean, here I have taken Graduate-level courses in college and was never this stressed.  But I must look pretty nervous because she says, "So how'd you do?" with a big smug grin on her face.

"You tell me," I say, and I hear the woo-ee-oo tones from the movie "High Noon" ringing in my head.

She gets out her red pen, and I sit and watch her correct my test.  Check, check, check... Hey look at that, I got one right... check, check, check...

She takes a half point off for the Manhattan recipe because I got the garnish wrong.  I also misidentified American whiskey with Kentucky whiskey.  Got all the glassware right, and two were for extra credit (woo-hoo!) but got confused between a Zombie and a Scorpion.  I also didn't have a good answer for the question "What are the two ways to make champagne?"

She's totaling up the score.  I can't really tell because her writing is so crazy.  "Ready for the results?" she asks, smiling.  She looks a bit too happy.  

Bartending 101: Know Your Glassware

If you're going to be a bartender -- or at least look like one -- you need to know your glassware. There are a variety of glasses, and each drink has a specific glass that you should pour it in.  Here's a general list to get you started on knowing which glass goes in which cocktail.  Today we'll just talk about the classic glassware, and thankfully most of them are named for the drinks that go in them:

Photo courtesy of Cocktail Hunter

Rocks or Old Fashioned glass  - this glass is usually used for whiskeys and gin, but I've gotten this glass when I order my vodka/soda cocktail.  A perfect rocks glass has a round bottom, and when the ice is dropped from the correct height a "ting" can be heard. Rocks glasses got their name as most of these drinks are served over ice (on the rocks).

Bartending 101: Taking the Exam!

I decided a while ago that I was going to take the written exam.  Well, I did as much "research" as I could (step 1 of The Plan) and also procrastinated as long as I could (step 2 of The Plan).  So now it was time to face the inevitable proverbial tunes.

I don't want to fail in front of a bunch of people, so I leave work early and drive to the school.  Against my plan, four other people are already there, including a guy from my class (a huge basketball player-slash-college student).  

"Hey," I say.  "You testing today too?"

"At this very moment," he says.

"How's it going?" I ask, seeing that he's still working on the first page.

He groans and shakes his head as an answer.  I'm feeling even less confident now.

Betty emerges from the back and sees me.  "Hey, you ready?" she asks.

"Ready as I'm gonna be," I tell her, hoping she'll give me some words of encouragement.

No such luck.  "Three people have failed today already," she declares.

"Huh," I respond, wondering what the hell she was trying to do to me.

"Okay, here's your test," she says.  "You have an hour."

Bartending 101: Mid-Term Exam Prep

I finally decide that it's time for me to take the written exam.  Yeah, before that whole "12 drinks in seven minutes" practical exam, you have to pass the written exam -- which I am told usually takes around 2 hours to complete and is a complete bitch.

I interrogate Betty all week about what the test is like.  She says you have to get a 90% to pass the test, and that she has seven different versions of it.  More importantly, no one is allowed to take the test home, whether they pass or fail it.  Damn, no chance of getting an underground photocopy.  There goes Plan A.  

Bartending 101: Pass the Poseur

It's another week at Bartending School, and this week Betty lets us know that the latest trends can change the popularity of drinks ordered.  Apparently whenever a new song, movie, or TV show highlights a particular drink or alcohol, people flock to it, most of the time not even knowing what the heck they're ordering. 

For example, before you go all Snoop Dogg at the bar and order a gin and juice, you might want to decide what juice you'll be wanting with your gin.  Apparently when posed this question many wanna-bes acquire a vacant expression on their face.  Snoop Dogg was not specific, but you need to be.  Suggested juices that go well with gin are cranberry or grapefruit juice.  

Bartending 101: Don't F%$& With the Bartender

Today in class we learn about basic customer service.  What I really learn is...

Don't F%$& with the Bartender

There are a lot of ways to make a bartender do "tricks" when you order.  But beware: bartenders are taught to get even.  If you ask for a Cuba Libre NFL-style*, expect a watered-down drink and a lot less attention.

After Betty talks to us about how the customer is always right and good service means good tips blah blah blah, she talks about ways bartenders can mess with the customers when they're pissing you off.

Bartending 101: Alcohol on the Brain

All I can think about is alcohol.  It's Saturday night and I am going out for a much-needed Girls' Night.  But all I can think of are drinks based on the color of my friends' outfits.  Gina is wearing pink, so naturally I think of a Pink Lady; Ali's in a brown halter, so I think of a Dirty Mother.  And Ali doesn't even have kids.

We get to the bar and sit in a corner booth.  Loud but slow acid jazz is blaring.  I should be relaxing and enjoying the time with my friends.  But looking over at the bar, I feel like I'm in an office supply store.  It affects me as much as looking at a row of file folders.  I'm seeing the bar the way it is in the classroom; it all looks like colored water to me.  I can smell the food-coloring and paint.  None of it looks appetizing and I find that I'm not thirsty.

Just as I'm about to reach a new level of frustration, a couple of guys walk up to us. "Can I buy you a martini?" the tall one asks.  But all I can think of is where the dry vermouth bottle sits in the well.  Do I want it electric or nuclear?  What's the stupid garnish on those?  It's too much to think about so I decline and shoo them away.  

Bartending 101: How to Make Simple Syrup

You've probably heard the phrase simple syrup if you've been around high-end bartenders or mixologists.  It is a basic sugar-and-water syrup used to make drinks at bars.  The syrup is obviously used as a sweetener and makes a great base for inventing new drinks.  Since it gels readily when pectin is added, it can also be used as a base for fruit sauces, toppings, and preserves. A lot of mixology requires simple syrup, and to be an excellent mixologist, you should make your own.  Here's how:

All you need is 1 cup water and 1 cup sugar.

In a small saucepan, bring sugar and water to a boil; simmer until the sugar is dissolved, 3 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool completely.

This recipe makes about 1 1/2 cups.  To make a richer syrup, use 2 cups of sugar instead of just 1.

You can make as small or as large a batch as you wish and store it in the refrigerator in a well sealed bottle for around 6 months.

Bartending 101: James Bond is a Pussy

Every Tuesday, I will be reposting "vintage" posts that had previously only appeared on the now-defunct blog SorryIGotDrunk.com. This is the second post in an 8-part series called "Bartending 101." Enjoy!

I love men.  I love your one-track minds, how you yearn for the power of the remote, and how you talk about sports like we discuss “Real Housewives.”   But the one thing I will never understand is how you guys worship James Bond. 

It’s the beginning of another class when Betty waits for everyone to settle in, and then very dramatically and bluntly she announces, “James Bond is a pussy.”  There is a collective gasp that fills the room.

I, of course, don’t really have an opinion on Mr. Double-Oh-Seven. Not like I hate the guy, I just don’t have much information to go on.  The only James Bond imagery I’ve seen is when it’s spoofed in an Austin Powers movie. 

But the men in my class go ballistic.  There are hurt expressions and many protests…one dude puts his hand to his heart as if he’s experiencing chest-pains. “What??” one guy finally whispers.

“James Bond is a pussy,” Betty repeats.  She looks around the room, knowing the blasphemy she’s committed.  And then she tells us why.

Bartending 101: First Day of School

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