Tuesday, October 21, 2014

BoozeQuest: The Long Island Iced Tea

I'm still researching for you (and for Science!) the best of the best cocktails.  Tonight's drink is the Long Island Iced Tea. I decide to give it a whirl with some co-workers at a dinner in Hollywood. I'm always nervous ordering a Long Island Iced Tea, because I've had my share of bad ones. But I decide it's the perfect cocktail for a work party, since they are limiting our drinks to only 2.  Maximize your potential, that's my motto.  When I order it up I eye the bartender's process very carefully. Wow, he's using Jack Daniels instead of Coke to give it that tea color. Interesting...

Drink #1: The substitution of more alcohol for soda is definitely a plus - and that goes for any drink. The Tea still goes down really smooth - and it tastes like a real iced tea. The guy's an effing genius. More people from work are coming in and I spot one of my million bosses. I hide behind Tall Thomas. Not in the mood for business-small-talk-bullshit. Tall Thomas notes my drink and I get a look of doubt. "You know what's in that thing?" he asks me. Yes, and to prove it I order a second one, making the bartender smile. "You're the smartest girl here," the bartender tells me. "You're ordering the drink with the most alcohol!" I give a smug look back at Tall Thomas.

 Drink #2: Looks like the bartender added an extra bit of Jack; the drink's looking darker. I turn and Sexual Harassment Sam is standing there, smiling at me. "What are you looking at?" I say, feeling like a bad ass now. "You're looking good tonight," he says. I give him a weak smile and steer myself away from him. I'm thinking being around Sexual Harassment Sam while drinking Long Islands is not a good idea. Unfortunately I run smack in to one of my kazillion bosses. "How you doing?" he asks. And I'm in for a full five minutes of business-small-talk-bullshit. I finally break from him and head back towards the bar. I make sure to get the same bartender and signal him for another before we're seated for dinner. 

Drink #3: I'm seated at a table with some of my co-workers. At this point I'm beginning to feel like the smartest girl here. Hell, the bartender said so. We're asked by a very cute waiter what we want to eat. Before anyone can answer someone spills their drink on the guy next to me. "Man, who did that?" I say, wiping off the guy's leg. He tells me to please stop wiping his lap area. I start laughing, thinking how incredibly funny it is for someone to have already spilled their drink. I go to sip my Long Island and - wait a second. The glass is empty. And tipped over. Suddenly I'm at a different table and I'm hugging Tall Thomas. He's taking a picture of us, and I raise up my glass, which is now magically full, and shout "Cheeeeeeese!"

 Drink #4?  I inform Tall Thomas that I've always thought he was a nice guy, no matter what all the rumors are saying about him. He asks me to explain further, and I'm about to get in to more detail when I'm taken outside by my friend Annie. She wants to have a cigarette with me. It seems to take forever as we snake our way through the crowd. I talk to some people on the way, but I can't remember who it was or what I said. We finally make it outside and I see that I have a new full Long Island in my hand. 

Drink #5? We're sitting outside on a patio area talking about some of the other people at work. Sexual Harassment Sam comes outside to see how I am and Annie shoos him away. Next thing I know I'm at the valet station and my car is in front of me. My friend Rob. has offered to take me home. He's removing the glass from my hand as I ask him, "Where's my purse?" "It's on your arm," he says and shoves me into the car. On the way home I tell him how proud I am that I didn't make that much of a fool of myself, even though I drank three Long Island Iced Teas. Rob is quick to remind me that I had more than that, but I still don't believe him.

Final total: 3 that I remember. Major after effects: Reputation at work as a solid drinker still in tact. Reputation at work as "innocent" is slightly tarnished. I've also decided that I should never drink Long Islands at a work event again.

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