How Do You Say "Fixed" in Spanish?

I'm excited for Nacho Libre to be in theaters... Which reminded me of this movie poster I found for Santo Contra Cerebro de Mal, which means "Saint Against Bad Brain" or "Saint Against Brain of Evil."

According to IMDb, this 1961 flick was about "masked police agents," not wrestlers. And Joaquin Cordero was one of the most prolific and popular actors in Mexican cinema. And that's quite an accomplishment. *cough cough* Anyway, it still reminds me of Nacho Libre. Imagine if you could take a machine gun into the ring? It'd add a whole new element to wrestling.

[Live Journal/Vintage Ads]

Where'd You Put the Quarter?

Who knows how Bob Newhart can keep a straight face for as long as he does, but Dino is just losing it from the very beginning. Now let's all put on our imagination sunglasses...

Weekend Re-cap

Friday night I went to go see "Hairspray" at the Pantages Theatre with Pokey and his friends. We had dinner at Joseph's first and then trekked to the theatre. Unfortunately I was wearing my stupid heels - the pair where one shoe is tighter than the other. This wouldn't be a problem except I was walking about 7 blocks to the theater from the restaurant. Things were fine once I got to the show - I was completely distracted by the production. If you've ever seen the movie (like I have) and didn't like it (like me) still give the stage show a shot. It's awesome. Especially surrounded by 10 gay men. We stood up at the last song and were singing and dancing...

After the show we went to The Abbey which is the best gay bar in West Hollywood, in my opinion. There we were supposed to meet Mon's friends. Mon is a ASL translator, so most of his friends are deaf. I thought, "How am I supposed to talk to these guys?" But I found out quickly that talking with my hands is what I'm good at.

On a side note, I think every straight man should go to gay bars. There are so many straight girls that hang out at these places, and all they see are hot, well-groomed gay men canoodling. It's enough to turn the temperature up in the most frigid of women. But they're not getting anything from this stimulus, not even a look. So when a straight guy comes near, straight girls pounce on them like a tiger. "Mine! Mine! Mine!" You could have your pick of the litter at these places.

Anyway, Pokey got us these super-huge, really good berry martinis and then we found Mon's friends. They were adorable and hilarious and just plain fun. I learned a lot of sign language from these guys, especially Patrick, who was very patient with me. He taught me how to say every word a single girl needs to know, especially at the Abbey: gay, straight, penis, cute, slut, shuttup...Surely to come in handy in the future.

After learning a lot and drinking a lot and standing a lot, I had finally had enough with my uncomfortable shoes, so Pokey and I left. I walked back to his apartment in West Hollywood (another 10 blocks) barefoot.

I love gay men.

Car Commercial King

Weekend Re-cap coming. But I thought I'd share this first. There seems to be only one man to use for your car commercial when you want to show speed, coolness, and masculinity...Here's another commercial using "Bullitt" clips of Steve McQueen.

Romance Cheese Friday

This week's romance novel tidbit comes from Bright Love Divine:

He wanted her body against his. With quick, hard hands, he stripped away the thin silk of the loose robe she wore, shucked off his pants, his shirt. Hot skin to hot skin. Smooth to rough. Soft to hard. Yes, please God. Heaven on Earth. Always. A miracle. His miracle.

I've heard of shucking oysters. But never pants. I wonder if that requires its own knife. And did he use the hinge method?

Friday's This & That

Well I'm a little hungover. Last night Dyno and I went to Cheesecake Factory and had some apps and drinks. (I stuck with the JW's Pink Lemonade and he had some Buds. We also did some kamikaze shots.)

Interestingly, at one point I got up to use the restroom and the stupid bamboo bar chair sliced my finger open. It was a pretty deep gouge and I got a bar napkin to stop the bleeding. Dyno asked our bartender if she could get me a band-aid, and as she did I noticed she was talking to the manager. Well, I bandaged my finger up and not two minutes later the manager is behind me. "Are you okay? What happened?"

I'm pretty drunk at this time, and it barely hurts, so I felt a little stupid explaining that his chair sliced my hand. He starts inspecting the chair and then says jokingly, "I don't believe you."

"I'm fine," I reassure him. And I quickly add, "I'm not gonna sue you or anything. I'm just upset that my hand-modeling career is over."

And the manager asked, "So should I write up an incident report?"

I was kind of surprised he was asking me that. It's his procedure, not mine. So I just said, "That's up to you. But I'm not going to take legal action or anything." Satisfied, he then offered us free dessert. (Neither Dyno nor I really like the sweets, so we declined.)

I wonder what the policy is on filing incident reports. I'm sure I just waived my rights by declining, but was he supposed to ask me if he should write it up?

Meee-yow Thursday: Rematch

This Week's Matchup: REMATCH

"Take away the pop eyes, the cigarette, and those funny clipped words
and what have you got? She's phony."

Thanks to TCM, we get a free desktop wallpaper of the two wildcats in their notorious flick together "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?" Why anyone would want their geriatric, overly-made-up faces on their desktop is beyond me...but here ya' are.

Louis Prima Sings "When You're Smiling"

Happy Wednesday! When you're smiling...the whole world smiles with you! (Except if you're Keely Smith - she maintains her poker face throughout this song.) Taken from the documentary Louis Prima: The Wildest.

What a Product!

Use it on your hair! Use it on a chair!
Use it on your scrape! Use it on your steak!

Apparently Bethlehem Steel allows you to abuse the ozone layer in many ways... as hairspray, paint, ointment, and grilling spray. It truly is a miracle of technology!

[Live Journal/Vintage Ads]

We Need a New Holiday!

There's Mother's Day and Father's Day, but what about those of us who do not want, are not having, or cannot have children?

Nothing against mothers, fathers, or kids in general... I just think I should be celebrated for being where I am in life. I've had some good relationships and some bad, and I've had to make some hard decisions in my life to get where I am. And so I have decided to make June 11th a new holiday: Singles Day!

Although it's called Singles Day, it can be for married or couples in relationships, too. The day will include anyone who wishes to be appreciated for the fact that they are without child:

• Maybe you're unable to have kids. Well then you definitely should be celebrated this day!
• Maybe you don't want kids at this time. Well then you certainly shouldn't have them, and this decision should be celebrated!
• Maybe you aren't having kids because you currently are not having sex. Well that's okay, and your ability to not sleep with the first sexual organ that walks your way should be celebrated!

So pass the word around to celebrate June 11th as Singles Day. Tell your friends and family to help you celebrate for one of the reasons above. Have plenty of alcohol, smoking, drugs, swear words, staying up late, and anything else that can't be done around children...because there are no children if you're celebrating this day!

And from one non-procreator to another... Happy Singles Day!

Classic Lucy Moment

From the episode "Job Switching."

Romance Cheese Friday

Today's romance novel exerpt comes from The Midnight Ball:

He was her match, her mate. He held her to the last atom in his tender grasp. His skin was on fire. His tongue dipped in, swirled, moved on. God. Prayer and plea, he heard the single word inside his head as he caught fire from her consuming surrender. He wanted nothing more than to sink in to her hot, moist depths, and stay until he became a part of her.

I think this means he wants to discuss the difference between instrumental and normative political theory with her - maybe over a cup of coffee?

Wanted: Steve McQueen

Voulez vous... It's Steve McQueen in the opening of "Wanted: Dead or Alive"...in French.

Disney Finally Gets the Hint

After two people died after riding Mission Space, Disney World will now have a tamer version as an option of the high-speed thrill ride that takes guests through a space adventure. In the new version, the spinning centrifuge will be turned off for guests who are prone to motion sickness or have other conditions. The original version, which will still be available to guests, was so intense that the park provides riders with throw-up bags. This wasn't a good enough indication to the Imagineers that the ride needed to be toned down?

Meee-yow Thursday

Ava Gardner vs. her ex-husbands, especially Artie Shaw:

"All I ever got out of any of my marriages was the two years
Artie Shaw financed on an analyst's couch."

PSA From a Galaxy Far Far Away...

...a.k.a. 1979. As Scrubbles.net (the finder of this masterpiece) puts it "Wookies Don't Let Wookies Drink and Drive."

Star Sighting of the Day

Kel Mitchell
Thanks to Lou's new high-tech phone, we got to take a picture of the star sighting this time. Today's was Kel Mitchell - of Nickelodeon's "Kenan and Kel" - at the Jamba Juice in Studio City.

He seemed to be taking a long time looking at the menu. Hmm...Vita boost or protein boost? Yogurt or sherbet? Decisions decisions...

Disney's "Cars" Trailer

The main character's name is Lightening McQueen...an obvious homage to Steve McQueen and his love of cars. I'm looking forward to the newest Pixar flick.

And When They Say "Every Build"...

Ah...back in the good ol' days, when no one was "stout," "big-boned," "athletic," or "stocky." Nope - FAT was FAT back then, ladies and germs. And there was no pussyfooting around it.

[Live Journal/Vintage Ads]

Dumpster Drama: Act XIV

Wow, do I regret doing this Roman numeral thingie. Anyhoo...because of the stupid signage on the street of my building, you have to watch where you park. On Thursdays it's one side, on Fridays another, etc. etc.

And on this particular evening I happened to have to park three blocks away because everyone decided to park on the street instead of in the carport. And I - being an utterly poor, non-working bartender-slash-pinup-girl, could not afford the extra $50 a month to have a parking space in the carport. So there it is.

So I'm walking the three blocks in four-inch high heels (which I also later regretted) to my building, and just as I get around the corner I hear raised voices and see flashing lights. Apparently the parking meter dude just left a nice little love note on some guy's car, and the guy was not very happy about it. I could barely make out the words (which shall be represented by [ ]) of what they were saying, because at this point I'm hiding in some bushes, hoping to not get stabbed or shot or somehow caught in the crossfire of this heated argument. (I also edited some of this dialogue.)

Parking Dude: Well I'm sorry [ ] parking in [ ] is clearly posted.
Some Guy: You effing [ ] you mother-effing stupid-ass bee? (Don't know why this was in the form of a question, but...)
Parking Dude: Sir, you are clearly parked [ ] and this zone [ ] restricted --
Some Guy: Well I'm not going to pay the [ ] mother-effer. What are you gonna [ ]?? And [ ] you, and eff you!!

Then Some Guy got into his pickup truck and peeled out of the street, drove through the intersection, and tore up the main street. The Parking Dude got on his walkie talkie and notified somebody - I'm guessing the police - and described the Guy and his vehicle.

All in all I think it's surprising the lengths Some Guy will go to in order to avoid paying a $60 ticket. Then again, this is the length I go to in order to avoid paying the extra 50 bucks to park in my carport.

...And...CURTAIN.

Julie London...Karaoke Star?

Sing along with Julie to "Cry Me a River."

Steve McQueen's Dream: "Yucatan"

The NY Times reports that when Steve McQueen died, he "left behind two custom-made trunks containing 16 leather-bound notebooks full of drawings, photographs from period magazines, and a detailed script continuity — a screenplay without dialogue — written in a kind of hyper-stylized poetry. These materials were his plans for Yucatan, the vanity project he yearned, but failed, to make."
So when are they gonna make the movie? "So far, the producers said, at least two of Hollywood's top stars — whom they declined to identify publicly — have read the journals and are circling the project. And it's easy to imagine directors sparking to the material, though no filmmaker or star has become attached while the script work goes on."

Well, in honor of Steve McQueen's dream movie, I give you the old ad that is an updated version of "Field of Dreams."

Romance Cheese Friday

This week's romance novel exerpt comes from That Valentine Charm:

"I love you," he breathed and buried his face in her neck, holding her so tightly it was almost painful. "And I need you more than air itself. Though I have no means of nourishing you or providing for you. My financial standing is nothing to boast about."

She pulled back the sheets and lay back onto the bed, pulling him toward her. "There can be no finer way for me to be nourished than through our love for each other."

I'm sorry, I have to disagree. What about a nice big steak? And some garlic mashed potatoes? I think that would nourish me more than some sentimental twit's rambling. After all, in another hour, the guy's gonna wanna raid the fridge and it's just gonna be empty. Ergo, money does buy happiness.

Happy Mother's Day!

(It's this Sunday.) I wuv you, Mom!

Download Julie London!

Whatever Julie Wants? How about what I want?! And I want to download a Julie London album for free!

Download her album Whatever Julie Wants and listen to your heart's content! Kinda has a scratchy vinyl sound to it, but that just adds to its charm.

Thanks, These Records are BenT!

Meee-yow Thursday

This Week's Matchup:

"She's slept with every male star at MGM...except Lassie."

How Much Money You Got??

This Fall, bring all your moola to Los Angeles...Digital Spy reports:

Personal items of Hollywood legend Steve McQueen's are to go up for auction.

The items have never even been exhibited before, but will go under the hammer in Los Angeles on November 11.

Among the items are three of the actor's motorcycles, and the renowned Persol foldaway tinted-blue sunglasses from The Thomas Crown Affair.

*gasp* Oh wow, I think I just stopped breathing there for a second. Imagine buying his bike and just looking at the seat... where Steve's ass-print once was.

P.S. More on where and when and who and what at Inside Bikes News.

Just Add Water!

Had a long day? How about a nice big steaming bowl of Green's Spotted Dick? It'll "fill you up and satisfy your taste buds." Mmmm.....

[Courtesy of *ahem* Cockeyed.com.]

Wednesday's This & That

So I just got back from the casinos last night, and I am not only hungover, but I am filthy rich! Not really - I pretty much broke even. You can read more about it when I write up a new BoozeQuest at SorryIGotDrunk.com for more on my adventures at the slots and bars.

In the meantime, check out this pilot called Heat Vision and Jack, written by Dan Harmon and Rob Schrab, directed by Ben Stiller. It was created in 1999, but was passed over by Fox despite popularity amongst those lucky enough to see it. Many familiar faces, and fun to watch - if you have 30 minutes to spare. [The Sneeze]

Cha-CHING!!

I'll be out of town playing the slots this weekend...

And I won't be back until Wednesday!!

See you then!
Love,
Sweepea

Romance Cheese Friday

This week's exerpt comes from Harvest of Passion:

No one had ever looked at her like that - with obvious hunger. He suddenly pulled her to him. Their bodies burned and exploded as their mouths discovered each other. She let her fingers brush against his hot skin, feeling his firm muscles and the curling chest hair.

Why is it in the books the dude's always have chest hair, but in the pictures they always have bare chests?

Friday's This & That

Happy day that Mexico conquered the French in some random battle in 1962 (not Mexican Independence Day)! And of course, Happy No Pants Day. The time to drop trou is a'nigh!

People are wondering...what would Jesus direct? I personally don't think Jesus would ever direct anything... he'd PRODUCE!

If you ever wanted to shoot pink teddy bears at people, now's your chance. [Thanks, Becca and Cute Overload!]

The first female robot really has that 'model turn' down pat. [Gadget Madness]

I went to this awesome restaurant last night called saketini. So yummy that I'm still dreaming of their creamy cheese and salmon roll (Philadelphia) and the grilled salmon. Mmmmm.....

...And yes, there will be a Romance Cheese Friday today!

WTF is Wrong With Barbie? (Part 2)

Anorexic Barbie
In the year 1992, it was found that the average American girl owned 7 Barbie dolls. However, with all this popularity, this so-called icon of America has caused a lot of grief for the manufacturer, Mattel. In a book entitled, Forever Barbie, author M. G. Lord talks about the "collective subconcious of America" that has been "taken for granted." The biggest problem that people have with Barbie is that she is misproportioned. If Barbie was human-sized, she would stand at 5 foot 6 inches tall, weigh 110 pounds, have a 39 inch bust, an 18-inch waist, and 33-inch hips. Critics believe it is this outlandish scale of the human body that is detrimental to young girls' views of themselves.

Conclusion Barbie
Now that Barbie is no longer a dumb blonde or some unsuccessful airhead (because of her multi-faceted career choices), I still don't understand why everyone picks on Barbie. It just doesn't make sense to say that Barbie is causing little girls to question their self-image just because she is not realistically proportioned. Raggedy Ann dolls don't make girls want to be a redhead, just like Strawberry Shortcake doesn't make them want to smell like fruit. (Maybe the critics should look at those Bratz dolls...?)

I would think that playing with Barbie dolls would be a positive influence because they'd make girls want to own nice things, thus attempting to be more successful. After all, you have to make money to have nice things like a Barbie Dreamhouse and matching Sporty Corvette.

How can people say that a healthy self-image comes from playing with a toy, when the rest of the environment of the young girl should be held accountable. What about commercials that advertise cars and pasta but show beautiful, buxom women?

When I was younger and playing with Barbies, I just thought it was fun. I was not coveting her forever tippy-toed feet or her pencil-thin waist. I just liked to dress her up and comb her hair, and pretend that she was going out with friends or on a date. Barbie was not a figure I vicariously lived through, but a doll that did things I'd one day like to do. Besides, I had my own idol to look up to as I matured: my mother. With a beautiful, intelligent, independent, and successful woman living and breathing and interacting with me daily, when it came to looking up to someone, what did I need some plastic doll for?

Sources
Inventor of the Week (profile) - inventor biography, doll history
Detrius Projects - Forever Barbie, proportions
January Magazine - Forever Barbie, M.G. Lord
Barbie's Website (Mattel)

[Barbie is a registered trademark of Mattel, Inc. This webpage in no way affiliated with or represents the opinion of Mattel, Inc. or its affiliates.]

WTF is Wrong With Barbie? (Part 1)

Worship-Me Barbie
There are several websites on the internet that parody Barbie, such as Adios, Barbie which spouts the slogan, "Love your body, through thick and thin," and The Distorted Barbie that calls Barbie the "sacred cow" of the new millenium. Critics have said she reinforces sexism, embodying a young woman with no intelligence with an impossible body type. But how can that be? How could this little angelic face harm anyone? In learning more about this toy, perhaps we will can figure out what the big deal is.

My First Barbie
When Ruth Handler invented the Barbie doll in 1959, she was not out to squash women's dreams of ever being beautiful. On the contrary, her idea was "to make a three-dimensional adult female doll that was likelife enough to serve as an inspiration for her daughter's dreams of her future." Her designs were to portray the girl-next-door, the one we grew up with, the one everyone liked. And as the years wear on, Mattel has come out with new dolls to fill in the new images of the modern woman: Barbie is seen as a doctor, astronaut, teacher, police officer, lifeguard, businesswoman, and athlete.

TO BE CONTINUED...
[Barbie is a registered trademark of Mattel, Inc. This webpage in no way affiliated with or represents the opinion of Mattel, Inc. or its affiliates.]

Must-See Movie: The Magnificent Seven

The Magnificent Seven (1960)
I've been holding back on presenting this review, because this is my absolute, number one, ultimate favorite movie of all time. Not only does it star Steve McQueen, but the film is chock-full of more tough guys of the time period: Yul Brynner, Charles Bronson, Robert Vaughn, James Coburn, and Eli Wallach. And they're all presented with the score that has been acclaimed as one of the finest in the industry, composed by Elmer Bernstein.

The premise is simple: A small town in Mexico is being bullied by a group of banderos, led by Calvera (Wallach), and the villagers hire seven gunman (led by Yul Brynner) to help them fight back. Sound familiar? Maybe because this movie has been parodied by many other movies: Three Amigos and A Bug's Life to name two.

And although this is a remake itself of the Akira Kurosawa film Seven Samurai [Shichinin no samurai (1954)], it is the quintessential western movie. It has everything: gunfights, a little bit of wit and comedy, heroism, amazing knife-throwing, fabulous horse riding stunts, key dramatic moments, a small romantic subplot...and did I mention Steve McQueen?

Don't Shut Me Out!

Doubt...Inhibitions...Ignorance... These are some of the obstacles that will shut you out from "happy married love." Don't be one of those who have an "intimate neglect": you must "safeguard your dainty feminine allure," ladies!

But what I didn't know is that a lack of proper feminine hygiene can cause stupidity. Doesn't she know those locks are fake? All she needs is an eraser.

...And then a good divorce lawyer.

[Live Journal/Vintage Ads]

Ooh... FI-YAH!

Attention all Steve McQueen fans!

The 1974 Steve McQueen disaster film The Towering Inferno Special Edition DVD is ready for pre-order on Amazon.

The 2-disc set comes with about 10 featurettes, extended and deleted scenes, original trailers, and commentary by a film historian, the Special Effects Director, and the Stunt Coordinator. I would rather hear from some of the other stars (Paul Newman, William Holden, Faye Dunaway, Fred Astaire, O.J. Simpson, and Robert Vaughn to name a few...) but they're either dead, too big of stars to do it, or hiding out on a golf course in Florida.

P.S. This week's Must-See Movie will be another McQueen flick. Keep an eye out for it!

Weekend Re-cap

Friday I played hooky from work (sorry about missing the Romance Cheese Friday). I went with Dyno to Gina's house to run around like kids without ritalin at Chuck E. Cheese. We drank beers and rode the carousel, as well as won a fake plastic tiara, a miniature car, and a stale pack of bubblegum. Gina wouldn't let me wear the tiara, so I pouted the rest of the day.

Saturday I gave Dyno a tour of my hometown, and it only took half an hour. *Sigh* small towns. But it was kind of cool to show him our local make-out point, where we used to go ice-blocking, and where we build our parade floats. Random stuff that makes my hometown what it is.

That night we went to dinner at Trader Vic's in 90210. We ordered super-obnoxiously huge and highly decorated drinks, with weird tropical names. Dyno's came with a half-naked plastic brown man hanging on the glass. We had to cab it the whole night since we drank so much.

This week is looking good... I'm going to a Clippers play-off game tonight (sitting ultra-close to the floor), and this Friday, May 5th is No Pants Day. Awesome.

Ghosts Ahoy!

I'm not too big on paranormal activity, but I do like to get spooked. And if you believe in ghosts, you may want to take a look at The Queen Mary website about ghosts and legends on the ship.

Not only does it tell about some of the stories and encounters of supernatural beings, but it provides a Ghost Cam, where you can keep an eye on some of the spirits' local hangouts.

There's even a Ghost Hunters Club where members report sightings and discuss Queen Mary ghostly encounters.

Last time I was on the Queen Mary (Gina can attest), we were at a sorority formal. We got so drunk that I stole a sign that said "Watch your head" and Gina threw a couple highball glasses off the starboard side. Although there were a variety of spirits there, we didn't see any ghosts.